Birth Photography.

Angie Knutson Photography

Angie Knutson Photography

Angie Knutson Photography

When I was pregnant with Myra, I did not know birth photography was a thing.  Had I known, my mind likely would have immediately gone to "cervical paparazzi."  NO, thank you.  Pass.  And that's fine.  Trevor and I were both there, we remember, and he got some photos.  We have photos of her all slimy and wrinkly and on my chest and the scale.  Trevor did a great job being there for me, taking it all in, and doing the best he could to get some photos.

When we become a thing, we have an instant common ground with most other people who are also that thing.  Upon becoming a parent, I became part of this club of other parents and this whole new world of conversation topics opened up.  Thrilling topics, really, like how to get your baby to fart and how to appropriately get puke out of car seat straps.  The first many times I heard people talk about birth photographers, I don't think I even paid attention.  Immediate NOPE.  But then I actually saw some photos.  These photos, to be specific.

More photos from this friend's birth here.  Photo credit to Jessica of Family Way Birth.  This friend's baby was born about a week after Myra, so it would be a long time before I would need to consider birth photography myself, but these photos really stuck with me.

Somewhere along the way, I stumbled upon a local photographer, Angie Knutson, on Instagram (@angieknutsonphotography) and started following her.  Then, one day, when I was pregnant with Niko, she posted this video.

And I was sold.  I commented saying I was interested, thought about it, mentioned it to Trevor (who was still mostly in the "that's weird" camp), then actually emailed her.  My first email asked for some basic info and by my second email I was already telling Angie all about my first labor and current placenta.  If anything noteworthy came up at doctor's appointments, I emailed her.  So many "right on track, but who knows what that really means!" emails.  I wish I still had all the texts from the day he was born.  I think she got more updates than anyone, understandably so.  I mean, we hired her to capture all the special moments leading up to, including, and following baby's arrival, so she had to know what the heck was going on.  If you want the play by play of the day Niko actually arrived, and when Angie came into the picture, check out his birth story here.

Anyway, the whole point of this is to show you all, many of whom know our family personally, how incredible these photos are.  I don't think the beauty of birth photography would have struck me in quite the same way had I not seen photos from someone I knew first.  Birth photography isn't for everyone, but I would strongly suggest considering it, and doing so early on.  Some photographers take on more than others, but any birth photographer can only do so many.  Being on call and available to take photos at any time and for as long as it takes sounds exhausting.  Babies come when they want to come, there's so much unpredictability involved.  It was so nice for Trevor to not have to worry about where the camera or phone was and just be there with me and our new baby.  We knew we'd have great pictures, but didn't have to think about them at all.  For the most part, we didn't even notice Angie was there.  Seriously.  Other brand new baby options are Fresh 48 and Newborn sessions.  The rest of these photos were all taken by AKP.  I really did try to limit the photos here, but there are so many incredible moments captured, it was difficult.  I didn't even include any of the grandparents meeting Niko.  And no, Angie isn't bribing me to write all this, we were simply that impressed with how it went.

Enjoying my epidural.

Seeing this picture brings back so many vivid memories.  The ponytail Trevor put in for me because my hair was pissing me off.  The panicky "I NEED A FAN RIGHT THIS SECOND" feeling.  How hard I felt like I was pushing, for what felt like days (12 minutes people, 12 minutes...).  The big jumble of other random feelings like nervous, anxious, excited, will my baby be okay?

The look on his face as he realized, and told me, IT'S A BOY!

We were one.

Getting acquainted with our son.

First time feeding him.

The first time Trevor held Niko.

The first time Myra laid eyes on her baby brother.

Those fresh little toes.

You can also follow Angie on Facebook here.  What can I say, I'm a fangirl.

Causes: World Breastfeeding Week.

I haven't posted a Causes post in a while and hardly any of them are my own, but I have enough I can say on this topic I decided to write it myself.  This is real life breastfeeding, folks.  My experience, I would guess, falls somewhere middle of the road on the horror-to-piece of cake continuum of breastfeeding.  There are so many things that can come up and if people don't know about them or aren't determined to work through them (which is also fine), they can entirely derail breastfeeding.  My hope is that people will realize there are many benefits to breastfeeding, but it is a huge sacrifice, too.

I don't often post photos of nursing because 1) both my babies have been such fast nursers, I hardly have time to sit down and get out a camera or phone to snap a photo and 2) it's been such a normal part of life for us I haven't really thought to take many photos.  I think number 2 is kind of the point of World Breastfeeding Week, though.  People who breastfeed know there's nothing weird about it, but there are plenty of people out there who don't get it or have some pretty misguided information on it.  Plus there's the whole fallacy that "breastfeeding is awesome" is the equivalent of "formula sucks" which is so, so, so false.  To me, the goal of this week is to help the entire world see what breastfeeders have been seeing all along--that it's totally normal and not weird and just feeding your baby.  So, just like I don't really take photos of changing my kid's diaper, you're welcome, I don't take photos of nursing.  I've never had a huge emotional attachment to nursing, but it has been an important part of motherhood for me, and now I'm getting ahead of myself.

I have breastfed both of my babies because it's what my body was made to do.  It's free.  It can be easy (no measuring and mixing in the middle of the night).  I get to eat more calories and seems to be helpful in losing pregnancy weight.  It allows me to share my immune system with my babies and that really seems to help.  It's convenient (nothing to pack when we go places) and doesn't require doing extra dishes.  It reduces my risk for breast cancer.  It forces me to stop and rest for a few minutes which is actually quite hard to do with a new baby.  It reduces the risk of SIDS.  It reduces my risk of postpartum depression.  And eventually, sometimes off and on, it works for me and my baby so we keep doing it until it doesn't.  (Speaking of that, I love this post about extended breastfeeding)

But it's not all rainbows and butterflies; it is a huge sacrifice, too.  I'm so grateful to have a partner who sees that sacrifice, supports and encourages me, and even thanks me for it.  In order to breastfeed my babies, I have sacrificed sleep (only one who can feed the baby), alone time (same reason--or I could pump, but that's been difficult with the issues I have had with each kid, more below), my diet, fun stuff (again, concerts, date nights, girls nights, vacations, etc. all become difficult when pumping in advance and while you're away gets thrown into the mix), my own health and comfort (thrush, mastitis, meds you can/can't take), clothing choices (lots of my favorite shirts and dresses are not nursing friendly in the slightest), hoping your baby will actually take a bottle, oh and lactating changes your sex life.  Don't even get me started on moms who have to pump regularly, especially moms who exclusively pump.  HIGH-FIVE to you.  "Just pump and have someone give baby a bottle," PPPSSSHHHHHHHHHH.

It's also worth noting that both of my babies became very distracted nursers at a young age.  So, even though I'm perfectly comfortable nursing anytime, anywhere, I still have to go into a quiet room and close the door in my own house to nurse.  Away from home, it's a crap shoot.  If they don't eat well during the day, guess when they make up for it? zzzZZzz...ZzzzzzZZZzzz...coffee...

Nursing Myra on day one

With Myra, my breastfeeding journey was difficult from day one.  We really struggled with latch and she had jaundice.  So, besides the fact that every living thing needs to eat, she really needed to eat to get rid of the jaundice, but the jaundice made her so sleepy, she wouldn't wake up enough to eat.  In the hospital, I called for help every time we were "due" to try and feed her because hospitals like their little charts where you cross off every 2-3 hours when you attempt to feed your baby.  Anyway, we were getting no where.  It always felt pinchy.  They say it's not supposed to hurt and I believed it, but even if it was supposed to hurt a little (I'm convinced some initial nursing pain is normal, especially the first 30-60 seconds of latching with a newborn), I knew this wasn't right and I could hear that she wasn't swallowing anything.  One nurse told me maybe my nipples just need to toughen up and that one little voice of doubt that maybe I was being a wuss or exaggerating stuck with me and I just thought maybe this is what it's going to be like.  Wrong.  This is where misinformation and lack of support can get new moms into trouble.  I met with an actual lactation consultant the next morning and they came to help every time I nursed Myra.  By the 24 hour mark, we had to get her eating and had to signal my body to start making milk, so after every attempt of feeding her, I'd pump then we would syringe feed her the milk.  It went in a syringe with a tiny little tube and we would stick it in her mouth alongside our pinky and she would suck it out that way.  Then 2 hours later I would painfully try to nurse again, fail, pump, syringe feed, repeat.  24/7.  Trevor was in school and couldn't afford to miss class, so we were both extra exhausted.  We doctored an hour from home, so once we were discharged, I had to make the drive with my brand new baby for follow up lactation appointments every 2-3 days for three weeks.  Myra had to get her bilirubin (jaundice) levels checked via heel poke and we continued to work on latch and weigh her before and after feedings to see how much she was getting.  By three weeks old, she graduated lactation and was back to her birth weight.

During those first three weeks, every feeding involved the attempt/pump/syringe feed circus.  Myra was still so sleepy we would have to strip her naked, drip cold water on her, and make a bunch of noise to keep her awake long enough to eat.  As much of an accomplishment as that was (the bilirubin levels finally going down, weight finally going up, some APNO to repair my severely damaged nipples), we went right from that into something is wrong with my baby.  I can't even open that can of worms (click on the FPIES tab at the top of the page if you want the background info), but it took months to figure out that she couldn't handle dairy through my milk.  I had 300 ounces of pumped breastmilk in the freezer that got donated (to an incredibly sweet adoptive family) because it was useless to us once she became an entirely different baby without dairy.  Fast forward a few more months and repeat but with soy now.  Donated more breast milk and started my freezer supply over again.  I was struggling to maintain my own weight with my diet restrictions and Myra was still struggling, waking up 5+ times a night at 7 months old.  I refused to switch to formula until I knew it would actually help and I wouldn't know that until she was diagnosed with something.  If she couldn't have dairy or soy in my diet, she certainly couldn't have formula made from those things.  I'm happy Myra got the benefits of breastmilk for so long, and I truly don't feel guilty for "making her sick" with my milk, though that is reality.  Knowing what we knew and trusting the doctors we were seeing (and man, we saw quite a few), I have no hard feelings about it all.  I wish we could have figured it out sooner, but we didn't and I don't blame anyone for that.  I gave up a lot to do what I really believe was best for my child.  I couldn't get a break, or even sleep, because it was just too exhausting to pump--especially after purging my entire freezer stash of breast milk TWICE.

Nursing Myra at 8-9 months

I breastfed Myra until she was 10 months old, but I continued to pump around the clock for almost a month just in case the formula we were trying didn't help her.  Thankfully, I LOVE SCIENCE, it did.  I love breastfeeding and I love formula.

*****

The first time I nursed Niko.  Photo by Angie Knutson Photography.

With Niko, I was terrified of all of the above.  Today he's a week shy of 6 months old (*sniffle*) and we have had none.of.that.  Oh, but wait, it hasn't been a perfect journey either.  Everything started out great, for the most part.  He was sleepy at first, but no jaundice issues.  I know babies can take their sweet little time in those early hours, birth is exhausting-I get that.  So, I tried to nurse him sometime in the first hour I think, it wasn't awful but he just didn't really eat.  I tried again a couple hours later, same thing.  His pediatrician wasn't worried at all and neither was I.  When Niko was about 7 hours old, he had a couple of decent attempts at the breast, but still hadn't really eaten (you can tell by listening for swallowing).  The nurse I had at the time got a little excited, put some sugar water on my boob and set me up with a nipple shield.  It seriously happened so fast I was like "uh, ok, we're trying this now, ok."  Using a nipple shield is fine, but it doesn't stimulate milk production like nursing without one does, so I also had to pump after feeding him like I did with Myra.  This is to ensure a good milk supply right off the bat.  I really did not want to get sucked into that circus again.  This is where my experience with Myra and lactation consultants came in handy.  I knew he was still new enough that I didn't need to stress just yet.  I had been calling for help every time I wanted to try to feed him because I'm a huge advocate of take all the help you can get while you're in the hospital!  But, after that really bizarre experience, and knowing what Myra taught me, I decided to just give it a go myself in the peace and quiet of my little hospital room.  It took some work and position changing and fidgeting, but he seemed to be doing better each time and I didn't have the jaundice fear, so I just went with it.  I did meet with an actual lactation nurse the following day and she said he looked great.  So, as far as those early days go, everything was pretty darn great.  However, big however, at about the six week mark things started to go south.  I was expecting the opposite: a rough start, but by 4 weeks we'd be rockin and rollin.  I had severe pain, thought it was from an instance of bad latch that left me a little damaged, I would dread feeding Niko and cry while he nursed.  After a month of that (yeah, a MONTH of crying every time I fed my baby), I realized it was actually thrush (click the link if you're bored out of your mind and want to read more about that process) and it took me another month to get rid of it.

Nursing Niko at 5 months, a rare moment where he fell asleep nursing

I had a month of good, easy, pain free nursing then I got mastitis.  The week we were moving.  I swallowed raw garlic like you wouldn't believe (that actually is a great remedy), but I knew I wouldn't be able to rest like I should, so I got the antibiotics, too.  Mastitis can be really bad if you don't get it under control.  As expected, the antibiotics led to me getting thrush again.  This time, I was prepared.  I started with all my lotions and potions right away and it's been stubborn but never got even close to the amount of pain I dealt with the first time.  I think it's gone or basically gone now, but I'm still being extra cautious, using grapefruit seed extract, probiotics, and trying not to get too hot and sweaty on my chest (easier said than done).

Surprise, surprise!! That got much longer than I expected.  This started as a Facebook post with one picture from my iPod...oops.  But hey, there you have it-my real life experience with breastfeeding so far.  Like I said, I don't really feel like I have the same emotional connection to nursing as many moms do, but I am still damn proud of myself for all of this.  I'm doing what I believe to be best for my babies and that's all any of us is trying to do.  I truly believe breastfeeding isn't what is best for every baby.  When things like stress, exhaustion, health of both mom and baby, guilt, physiology, etc. are factored in, there is absolutely no one size fits all.  I was ready to switch Niko to formula in a New York minute if he showed signs of FPIES because Neocate changed our lives that much with Myra.  I was stubborn through the thrush nonsense because I knew as soon as it cleared up I would wish I had kept nursing.  It was a-w-f-u-l, but I am glad I hung in there.  Again, me being stubborn and passionate about breastfeeding is in no way a knock on formula.  I do want people who will be having children to be aware of these things, know that they are fairly common, know that there is support out there, and know that it can be done.  All that said, if anyone chooses not to or is unable to breastfeed, you are still an awesome parent and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.

This is when I should proofread, but instead I will go take a shower.

Niko's Birth Story.

I started this a little early so I could keep all my end of pregnancy updates in one place.  Click here for Myra's birth story.  All the awesome photos are courtesy of the fabulous Angie Knutson Photography (AKP in captions), the cell phone photos are property of yours truly ;)

AKP

January 21, 2015, 37 weeks.  168 pounds (up about 30-33 pounds from pre-pregnancy).  Cervix high but very soft, dilated almost 3cm.  Group B Strep test: negative.  37 week update with Myra.  37.5 week appointment with Myra.

January 22, 2015, 9pm.  37+1  Feeling crampy, like menstrual cramps, not Braxton Hicks.  I assume it's nothing exciting, but I'm naturally dying to know when this baby will come so here I sit wondering... It went away after maybe half an hour.

January 27, 2015, 1pm.  37+6  That strange feeling you get in your back when dehydrated, like my kidneys hurt.  I've actually had more water so far today than usual.  I also feel a bit flushed randomly.  Clearly I'm aware of every little thing these days...

January 28, 2015, 38 weeks.  173 pounds.  Fifty percent effaced and I thought my doctor said +1 station, but the online notes say -1, dilated 4-5cm.  Fundal height (uterus) has been measuring right on all along, but today measured 32-33 weeks.  Doctor and I both assumed all is well (I figure baby is just settling in, but she said that doesn't typically change measurements), but ordered growth scan/fluid check ultrasound just to be safe.  Baby's head still measuring 2 weeks ahead (Myra had/has a giant head, too), baby's stomach measuring right on, and I didn't look when the tech checked the legs though I was very tempted.  Weight estimate was 7 pounds, 2 ounces.  My doctor emailed in the evening and said baby's growth and amount of fluid both looked great, so all is well.  I'm aware the dilation doesn't mean anything will happen soon, but it likely could happen quickly when it does.  Today was enough of a push to get me to install the car seat bases in the car though.  I haven't packed a hospital bag yet, though I don't really need much.

38 weeks + 6 days

February 4, 2015, 39 weeks.  171 pounds.  I lost a few pounds during my last week with Myra, too.  I've been pooping at least twice a day for over a week now, my body is running out of room and/or getting ready...probably both.  Doctor said "definitely 5cm...5+" today, but the online notes say 5-6cm, 50% effaced, -1 station.  Belly measured 37 weeks today.  I had what felt like Braxton Hicks contractions exactly 6 minutes apart for 30 minutes tonight, then nothing.  With Myra, real labor contractions definitely felt different, so I wasn't holding my breath.  Myra has been extra clingy and had a couple wonky nights of sleep--maybe she knows something we don't?!

February 7, 2015, 1-3:30am.  Contractions that felt like the real deal (and not Braxton Hicks).  They were 8-12 minutes apart and not super regular, so I kept waiting "just one more" to wake Trevor.  Finally at about 3:15am I decided I should wake him.  I said "I think we should probably call your mom," (to come stay with Myra) and his half-asleep response was, "Why?"  Anyway, his alarm was set for 3:30am since he had to get to drill.  Of course, once I woke him they stopped.  He was all "do I get ready for drill? Are we having a baby? What is happening?"  I told him to go about his morning and if they continued, we'd call his mom and the photographer.  They didn't and I fell asleep sometime after 4am.

February 8, 2015, 11:30am.  I lost a glob of mucous which felt like a small water leak, but nope.  Lost a little more later in the day.  I guess I could say I had more nesting urges today, nothing actually useful, of course.  Our kitchen needs to be cleaned something fierce, but instead I organized clothes and picked out a bunch that need to get donated.  I also organized baby carriers and our newborn cloth diapers, which I suppose is helpful.

February 9, 2015, 5:30am. Trevor's alarm woke me up, went to pee, had a small gush of fluid.  It seemed very watery and I had some contractions that didn't feel like "it," but went to the hospital to have it tested for amniotic fluid to be sure...negative.

February 10, 2015 39 weeks+6 days.  Same fluidy feeling this morning, I'm assuming yesterday was watery mucous and today is more of the same.  I had some random contractions throughout the day, but this is also my work day so it could be because I'm more active (SO MANY STAIRS!).

39 weeks + 6 days, February 10, 2015

February 11, 2015, 40 weeks, 170.5 pounds.  Was up from 3:30ish-4:30ish timing contractions.  Some were not so obvious, frequency varied a lot, and ultimately they stopped so I went back to bed.  I overslept and didn't wake up until 8:15, weekly baby check appointment at 8:45.  I rushed myself and Myra out the door, grabbed some Kix for her to eat on the go, and headed to my appointment.  We ran into Keithia in the waiting room.  At my appointment, I filled my doctor in on the fluid stuff and random contractions.  I was still 5-6cm and baby's heart rate was a little slower than usual...in the 110s.  When she was listening, she also heard a brief decel in the heart rate and decided to send me (and Myra...lol) to Labor and Delivery for monitoring then she'd come meet with me to discuss options.  I asked for clarification and she said I would likely be induced (to some degree at least) but we'd know more after some monitoring and testing for amniotic fluid again.  Since the secret is out and we all know 2/11/15 is Niko's date of birth, I will do the rest in more of a bullet format since that's how I kept track.  I apologize in advance for bouncing around past/present tense.

9:35am I arrived at Labor and Delivery with Myra.  When I came two days prior, they had me in a triage room for monitoring/testing, but today I went right to a delivery room.

9:40am Nurse speaking as if I'm staying no matter what.  I thought this was brief monitoring then we'd discuss.  I tell Trevor to leave school now since it looks like I really am staying.  I call Christy and she is coming ASAP.  Myra is so interested in all the buttons and lights and I'm stuck in bed connected to stuff.  This room is so not toddler friendly.

9:50am I call Keithia to see if she can come get Myra.  She's actually still at the clinic (connected to hospital) so she is there in a few minutes.  She takes Myra to our house in my car to wait for Christy,

10isham Official clarification: definitely staying.  It's baby day!

AKP

10:30am I've been monitored for a bit now, I'm having contractions every 8 minutes but not feeling a thing.  I tested positive for amniotic fluid, so no clue when my water actually started leaking!  This makes me a little nervous about a c-section because I know there's a bit of a timeline once water breaks and mine could have ruptured days ago...  I have awesome veins and have always been an easy stick, but apparently threading was a different story, took three tries to get a good one.  I will be getting fluids, antibiotics (since water ruptured and not sure when) and starting small with pitocin to help get things moving.

10:43am Still 5-6cm dilated, cervix thick ("like your cheek"), still feeling nothing but epidural will be ordered soon (I will want it eventually, so just getting it done)

11:15am Trevor arrives at hospital with my hospital bag--I had nothing with me since I thought this would just be another weekly check.

11:35am Contractions every 3-5 minutes.  Ordering epidural now.  I am still not feeling contractions at all, some may disagree but how amazing would it be to not feel any?? I love science.

12:20pm Epidural in, contractions every 3 minutes, everything looking good.  My HR 66, BP 122/71.  Baby's HR 122.  I'm 6cm and have a peanut shaped yoga ball between my legs to help dilate.  Angie (photographer) arrives sometime around here.

12:50pm I can still feel my legs, but they're warm and a little numb.  The hospital's internet seems to have Netflix and Pandora blocked.

1:30pm Contractions 2.5 minutes apart.  I wanted to take a nap, but no luck.  Trevor and I watched House on his laptop.

2:51pm 8-9cm and cervix is very thin, awesome progress.  The nurse says I'll be done in an hour...not sure if she means done done or just done dilating.

3:02pm They're bringing in the rest of the birth equipment, a cart with all the instruments and what not.  My epidural was great but I could feel contractions in a small area of my lower right abdomen.  This happened with Myra, same spot, and they fixed it for me.  This time, the nurse told me it was normal and would help with pushing.  It was not a big deal - it hurt but I could still talk through them.

I forget exactly when, but sometime in here I am now 10cm.  Nurse has me do one push and says she'll call for the doctor if I can get baby's head pushed down a bit.  I win, doctor coming.

3:25pm I start pushing.  (I know this because they told me how many minutes of pushing it was and I obviously know what time baby arrived)

AKP

3:37pm It's a boy! (We didn't know the sex until birth) Six pushes that felt like 60.  8 pounds, 12 ounces, 21.5" long.  Apgar score 9.

AKP

AKP

AKP

AKP

AKP

We had a name picked out, recently revisited our lists and couldn't decide between two names.  We both thought the other name at first, but for one reason or another neither of us could commit.  Around 6:30pm we agreed to stick with our original choice, Niko (knee-co).

How did we come up with Niko?  Well, for the most part, Trevor did.  Once again, I was struggling with names.  I made a couple lists and Trevor thought they were okay, but didn't love any.  I finally told him I had a name or two of each sex I really liked and if he wanted something else, he would need to make a list of his own.  The first name he told me was Nikola.  Where on Earth did that come from???  Nikola Tesla was a Serbian inventor (among other things).  Trevor likes his work and it's fun that he's Serbian and Trevor has been deployed to the Balkans twice.  So, we tweaked it a bit and he will legally be Nikolai, but we agreed we both really like Niko so we're going with that straight away.  Random history lesson: after agreeing we both liked Niko (Nikolai), I did some Googling.  I came across this link and what is one of the first things on the page?  MYRA.  "Saint Nicholas, also called Nikolaos of Myra, was a historic 4th century Christian saint and Greek Bishop of Myra (Demre, part of modern-day Turkey)."  Woah.  We knew nothing of this or the fact that "Myra" had anything to do with ancient Greece.  Niko's middle name is Jeffrey which is the name of Trevor's dad, two of my uncles, and a very dear friend of ours who passed away in November 2013.  Jeffrey just made sense; there was never even any discussion about a middle name.

Soon, I will post the other names from our lists, too.  Also to come, updates and photos of Niko meeting Myra and other family members.  I wanted to keep this post strictly for Niko alone.

Day One

Three days new, Niko's first ride

Day before he arrived vs two days after

We're off to a great start and he's fitting right in!