I had big plans for today. I was going to bring Myra to work with me to get some paperwork done. We were going to meal plan and grocery shop, then cook. Heck, I was going to take a shower!
Note: I'm not posting this to whine, but people often ask what is FPIES like? Is it really that bad? Why do you need to vacuum my house before Myra plays here? Even though this is about more than a crumb, that's all it takes.
Remember that yummy, three ingredient pudding recipe I shared last week? Myra loved it. She gobbled it up and made a big, fun mess for breakfast. Usually, at nap time, I put her in her crib wide awake and she puts herself to sleep. Well, that day she was pretty noisy. I thought that was odd, but just let her work it out. When she started really crying, I checked the monitor to make sure she wasn't stuck or anything. Not stuck, but she was clearly rolling around in a bunch of vomit. I'll try not to get too detailed, but it was disgusting and smelly. I ran in there, grabbed her, and got her in the tub. She was happy and playing like usual within minutes. I wondered about the avocado because we don't give it to her often. Even though we did a full trial of it, avocado seems to trigger her eczema so we're pretty conservative with it. I heard of that easy recipe and thought it sounded like a great way to work avocado back into Myra's diet since there are so many health benefits to it. By the timeframe from putting her down for her nap to when I went in there (not long), I guessed she "only" threw up once or twice. Compared to 5-6 times for her previous food fails, I was optimistic it was a fluke or a stomach bug or something and tried not to panic about losing avocado from her diet.
She bounced back quickly, drank a bottle, and took a good nap. She slept fine that night, and everything went back to normal. Trevor was gone and I never got sick, but I don't actually get sick often so I wasn't terribly surprised. Trevor and I agreed it very well could have been a virus of sorts and we should give avocado another try. I planned to wait a bit just in case, but last night I asked Trevor if we should just do it and get it over with. I was assuming it would be fine and I could stop wondering.
The rest of this talks about vomit, there's your warning.
So, this morning I mashed up an avocado and fed it to Myra as a dip with some Cheechas. She wasn't so sure, but ate enough for me to be confident we'd know if avocado was bad news or not. A couple hours later, she started getting whiny. And clingy. And she even gave me two big, long, cuddly hugs back to back. She'll give me a hug if I ask for it, but she never volunteers hugs like that. Then the raging drool and cough-y hiccups started and I knew what was next. Again, I'll try to spare the details, but it was bad. At the time, we were sitting on the kitchen floor together so I just held her while her puke went everywhere. She had just had one of her Neocate Splash "juice" boxes (orange-pineapple flavored hypoallergenic Boost type drink) which, of course, smelled all kinds of disgusting as vomit. I asked her if she wanted to take a bath, she loves baths, and through tears she said and signed "bath." I left the puke on the floor to deal with later.
I got her in the tub with plenty of bubble bath and hoped that, like last week, the worst was over. As they say, "you can wish in one hand and..." I was wrong. More vomiting in the tub accompanied by lots of crying, whining, coughing, thrashing. Vomiting is never cute, but these "GET THAT TOXIC GARBAGE OUT OF MY BODY RIGHT THIS INSTANT" vomiting episodes are scary to watch. (If you're curious how these kids change during reactions, here is a great video showing what it's like.) I got her out of the tub, she wanted nothing to do with clothes and was all kinds of upset, so I didn't fight it. I laid towels down on the couch and tried to get her to relax with me. It wasn't too long before I could sense more vomit coming, so I took her back to the bathroom and held her over the tub while she puked and coughed and cried. At this point, I was contemplating taking her to the ER. FPIES kiddos can, and often do, vomit to shock. When they start vomiting, they need IV fluids. If they get too dehydrated, it can be very difficult to find a vein to give them fluids. I was able to get her dressed (I couldn't decide if she'd be hot or chilly, so I just picked one) and I had to go to the bathroom so badly I couldn't hold it. I put her down on the bathmat and she passed out (the falling asleep kind) as she cried on the bathroom floor. I debated just leaving her there to sleep, but I couldn't do it. I picked her up and brought her to our bed (there's a first!) because we have a mattress protector so I didn't have to worry about a mess. She woke up and wasn't happy about it. I calmed her down again and she fell back asleep but I was in a horribly uncomfortable position and didn't dare to move. I had my phone and water, but that's it.
Trevor got home from class and cleaned up the vomit (bless his heart) then brought me some throw pillows so I wouldn't end up in physical therapy (seriously, I don't even know how I got myself in that position). Myra rested for a while, but didn't take a "real" nap. When she woke up, I asked if she wanted to go see Daddy and she perked up. She drank water and ate Cheechas and Kix while lying on the couch with Trevor. I was able to eat something and change clothes (again). That was essentially the end of the drama. From all I've learned about FPIES, these reactions really wreak havoc on their guts, so I'm sure she's still not feeling the greatest. She had a small supper and two small bottles, plus more water, so I think she'll be okay as far as hydration goes. Her demeanor bounced back quicker than one would expect, but after the crisis mode part of a reaction, she's seemed okay for the most part. We haven't had an acute (vomit) reaction in over a year, so I wasn't sure what to expect. Here's hoping tonight goes well!
I guess this is a humbling reality check that Myra hasn't outgrown her FPIES, we aren't exaggerating symptoms, and all these precautions are necessary. Trevor and I both admitted to beating ourselves up a bit over it afterwards. Of course it was the avocado. We were skeptical all along. I didn't get sick after she was last week. The timing of the vomiting fit perfectly. But, we needed to be sure and it certainly could have been just one of those random things, too.
So, no more avocado and I will shower and get my work done tomorrow.
Monday, October 6, 2014
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Causes: Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Claire and I met online due to a mutual interest in raising awareness of domestic abuse. She lives in England, but domestic violence is universal. It does not discriminate or differentiate. Domestic Violence is a very personal and often misunderstood cause; therefore, it is not one I am particularly comfortable asking people to share. I am so grateful Claire was willing to tell her story to me and all of you.
People warned me to stay away from him, but in the throws of a new relationship all sense goes out of the window. He charmed me & I fell for it all. I was oblivious to the warning signs. When he started telling me what to wear I thought it was because he found me attractive in those clothes & I wanted to please him. Before long this man had worn me down & made me feel dependent on him & that I was lucky to have him because no-one what would want me. I didn't even realise at the time that he was sexually abusing me also.
The relationship progressed quickly & I became pregnant. I already had a son from a previous relationship. Things changed. Suddenly he became extremely verbally, mentally & emotionally abusive. It was awful. Soon after he became violent. My son watched this man try to strangle his mother on several occasions. He threw me around a caravan & into radiators. I wore long sleeves at all times to cover my bruises. At 7 months pregnant he put me in hospital with a suspected broken neck. I believed this man would kill me.
The police were sometimes called by neighbours. I had no choice but to cover for him. He told me he would take my baby away if I said anything & claim that I was crazy in the head. I was trapped. I clung to the hope that he would change when the baby arrived & we'd be a happy family. I didn't want to let my children down & deprive them of a father.
I spend a couple of weeks in hospital at the end of my pregnancy. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise. He couldn't hurt me there. Instead he mentally & emotionally abused me.
10 days after my baby was born I became a single mum of two. The abuse didn't stop. He just used contact & solicitors to harass me. Eventually I grew strong, independent & able to recognise that it is better for the children to not have a father about than to have a bad one who they see abusing their mother.
There is absolutely no circumstance where domestic abuse is acceptable. Victims will make excuses for their perpetrator & believe they deserve it, but this is never true. I urge anyone in this situation to reach out to the organisations that want to help you break free. Domestic abuse is a crime. If you don't leave for yourself, do it for your children. Do you want your son to grow up thinking it's ok to treat women that way? Do you want you daughter to think it's an acceptable way to be treated? Afterwards I found out this man had abused my son also. My son never told me. Don't let that be your child.
I am living proof that there is life after abuse. I am now married with a nice house & job. Things are great for me now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone.
I am living proof that there is life after abuse. I am now married with a nice house & job. Things are great for me now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for everyone.
The Power and Control Wheel is a very impactful visual that shows the eight most common ways batterers abuse aside from physical and sexual abuse. This was developed by Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs, Home of The Duluth Model. This wheel has been adapted for a variety of other situations (child abuse, equality, creator) and is also available in Spanish.
Domestic Violence resources:
Safety Plan for a Friend, Relative, or Co-Worker Who Is Being Abused...
National Network to End Domestic Violence
National Network to End Domestic Violence
VINE Link - victim notification network
Friday, October 3, 2014
Minnesota Fall.
Fall in Minnesota. Half summer, half winter. Fall is my favorite season, by far, but it seems like we only get a few weeks of that perfect fall weather each year (if we're lucky). I better get these photos of our warm weather fall activities before it turns into winter. Last weekend it was 80 degrees and this weekend we are (were??) expecting snow.
The Army has been/will be needing Trevor a lot lately, so Myra and I have been busy doing our own thing.
The Army has been/will be needing Trevor a lot lately, so Myra and I have been busy doing our own thing.
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| Our patriotic little Red Bull |
Myra and I met Cory and Ashley at one of our favorite semi-local apple orchards. Myra helped them pick their apples then we went inside to sample some. This was a big moment for me because I could actually let Myra try all the different apple varieties!. I even found some apple butter to bring home, a new food item made with things she can actually have!
After lunch and a nap, we just had to enjoy the beautiful weather a little more. We packed Rowdy up and headed to our local dog park. I think Myra has more fun there than Rowdy. She makes lots of friends, people and dogs alike. And when we're all done, I get to bring home a tired kid and a tired dog.
Compare all that sunshine and warmth to today, chilly and windy. Here is Myra, clearly excited to get to school this morning!
Happy Fall, everyone!
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
A True Three Ingredient Chocolate Pudding Recipe.
I'm sure many of you have seen the "two ingredient" cake recipes floating around Pinterest and cyber space. While it's true there are only two things to mix together, those of us who deal with food allergies know there are way more than two ingredients! The box of cake mix in my cupboard has 12 ingredients, including two of the top eight allergens. In the FPIES world, there are often requests for recipes that are truly simple to make and free of the really scary stuff. I mean, anything can be scary for an FPIES kid, but some things are more commonly safe than others.
I got this recipe from a fellow FPIES mom who adapted it from other recipes found online, so I can't take credit for it and neither can my friend, she said. Regardless, it's a simple recipe and could definitely be tweaked to suit your needs and taste.
Click the FPIES tab at the top of the page to read more about FPIES, our experience, food trials, recipes, etc.
I got this recipe from a fellow FPIES mom who adapted it from other recipes found online, so I can't take credit for it and neither can my friend, she said. Regardless, it's a simple recipe and could definitely be tweaked to suit your needs and taste.
Ready for the big reveal?
1 avocado (a ripe one, unlike what's seen in my photo)
Cocoa powder (as in pure cocoa, not a chocolate powder with other ingredients)
Pure maple syrup
For Myra's, I used 2 teaspoons cocoa powder and 1/2-3/4 teaspoon maple syrup.
Mix together and enjoy! If you have a safe milk, you could add that. Myra can have coconut, so I could have mixed that in, but she was growing impatient so I just went with it. Of course, it does taste different than chocolate pudding from a box. Myra gobbled it up and it's full of healthy fats, fiber, flavonoids, antioxidants, and more.
Note: I think it's universally known that chocolate is not safe for dogs. We learned last year that cocoa is actually worse than chocolate. So, be sure to keep your furry friends safe while your kid gets messy with the pudding.
Click the FPIES tab at the top of the page to read more about FPIES, our experience, food trials, recipes, etc.
Causes: Pregnancy Loss-Miscarriage.
First, I am writing this on May 2, 2014, so whatever may happen in the future (more babies!), keep the date in mind.
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
As many of you know, Trevor and I lost twins in June, 2011. It was really sad and difficult, especially so since he had already left to begin his year long deployment to Kuwait. So, after our loss, we were not able to try again for about 10 months.
I wish I could say that was our only experience with pregnancy loss/miscarriage, but I can't. I had my IUD removed in January 2014 and we planned to wait a little while to actually try for baby number 2. We both felt more comfortable letting my body sort itself out after the IUD removal first. Trevor is set to graduate with his undergrad in December 2014 (edit: now spread out to May 2015), so we were comfortable with a due date anytime after his graduation. Once we were in okay territory for that, it all happened very quickly. We are both grateful it seems we are quite fertile (getting pregnant on the first try three times in a row now), and glad we have a "bright side" to all of this. We know many do not have that blessing, and it is very much so a blessing. However, there is no "normal" or "non-sad" way to lose a pregnancy.
On April 21, 2014, the day after Easter. I got a very faint positive pregnancy test. My period was due the next day and I did not plan on testing until after that day because I was worried about a chemical pregnancy (finding out you're pregnant then your "period" just comes anyway, so a very early miscarriage). Testing or not wouldn't change anything, I just would rather not know I was pregnant if that were going to happen. I had the tiniest bit of spotting, which I know can be quite common, so I wasn't jumping up and down yet, still nervous my period just might come, but hey-I was pregnant!
On April 22, I started bleeding a little more, but still very light and not what I would consider a period. I'm not a big "pee-on-a-stick" person usually, but I was just so antsy to figure out if I was pregnant and going to stay pregnant, or if my "period" would still come. Long story short (very long, lots of peeing and trips to the Dollar Store--very accurate tests for $1, seriously), I went through 13 pregnancy tests in less than a week. They were very faint at first, then negative, then very faint again, then started getting darker. This whole time I was still spotting and trying to remind myself that is very common. I started having symptoms (queasy/uneasy feeling and very tired) which I took to be a good sign. Over the weekend (April 26/27) the symptoms continued and the lines on my pregnancy tests got notably darker (a sign the hormone detected by the tests was increasing). My bleeding hadn't picked up at all and even had moments where it seemed to be stopping, so on Monday, April 28 I decided I should call and schedule my prenatal appointments. While on the phone with them, I mentioned the bleeding in the event they wanted me to come in sooner. I ended up speaking with a doctor and she ordered blood work to check my beta HCG and progesterone levels. I am familiar enough with those things that I knew what to expect at this stage. We have an online patient portal, so I actually saw my results before the doctor called me. It didn't look good. My HCG was 38.1 and my progesterone was almost 0, which is what you would expect during your period, definitely not during a pregnancy. The biggest indicator, however, is whether or not HCG is doubling, so I'd need to go back in two days for follow up blood work. It was possible this was very late implantation and that would explain the low numbers, but it didn't look good. I was so torn--I didn't want to be naïve and get my hopes up when I knew the reality of my lab results. However, if this baby did pull through and everything went fine (even if I needed progesterone supplements or something), I didn't want to look back and remember giving up or writing it off.
So we waited...more. The whole week prior was so wishy washy with the spotting and confusing tests, not knowing if this baby would stick or not. Plus I was having symptoms and living as if I were pregnant (I was...still kind of am I guess?)-no drinking, taking all my vitamins, exhausted and sleeping when I could, strong sense of smell... It was all happening.
On Wednesday, April 30, I went in for my follow up blood work. Ideally, my HCG would have doubled (so 80+ would have been a good sign) and I'd have more progesterone. However, when I saw the results, it had gone down to 37 (from 38.1 two days ago). I knew what this meant. There is no coming back from dropping HCG levels. To be honest, if it was going to drop, I wish it would drop faster. I'm still tired (although that is quickly getting better) and would like to just get it over with. Hopefully the drop picks up soon and there is no major drama since it was so early on. If things had gone the other way, I would be 5 weeks pregnant, so this is a very early miscarriage. From what I've gathered, it will be like a heavy period, maybe some cramping that is slightly worse than usual (I don't really get any usually, so we'll see). Not a fan of the waiting. My periods are totally predictable so I don't love this unknown.
Final edit on October 1, 2014: I'm 21 weeks pregnant with a baby that appears perfectly healthy (yay!). On May 6, 2014 my HCH was down to 1.1 (checked again to help rule out ectopic) and I never really bled much. I had the few days of spotting I already mentioned, then another couple days of spotting and that was it. I'm guessing it worked out that way because it happened so early. Full disclosure: I was advised to wait a couple months to try again, but honestly I might not have even known I was pregnant had I not tested when I did. So, we decided not to worry about it. After all this, I was going to wait to test, but on June 2 I had diarrhea (never ever happens to me) and on June 3 I just had to know...positive!
Hugs and comfort to those of you who have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss in any way. It is a sad thing, hard on entire families, that doesn't get much attention.
Some wonderful organizations supporting those who have endured losses:
The Jameson House
IRIS
Faith's Lodge
Molly Bears
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Silent Grief
Click here to read about this series and see the other posts.
Click here to read about our first experience with pregnancy loss.
October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
As many of you know, Trevor and I lost twins in June, 2011. It was really sad and difficult, especially so since he had already left to begin his year long deployment to Kuwait. So, after our loss, we were not able to try again for about 10 months.
I wish I could say that was our only experience with pregnancy loss/miscarriage, but I can't. I had my IUD removed in January 2014 and we planned to wait a little while to actually try for baby number 2. We both felt more comfortable letting my body sort itself out after the IUD removal first. Trevor is set to graduate with his undergrad in December 2014 (edit: now spread out to May 2015), so we were comfortable with a due date anytime after his graduation. Once we were in okay territory for that, it all happened very quickly. We are both grateful it seems we are quite fertile (getting pregnant on the first try three times in a row now), and glad we have a "bright side" to all of this. We know many do not have that blessing, and it is very much so a blessing. However, there is no "normal" or "non-sad" way to lose a pregnancy.
On April 21, 2014, the day after Easter. I got a very faint positive pregnancy test. My period was due the next day and I did not plan on testing until after that day because I was worried about a chemical pregnancy (finding out you're pregnant then your "period" just comes anyway, so a very early miscarriage). Testing or not wouldn't change anything, I just would rather not know I was pregnant if that were going to happen. I had the tiniest bit of spotting, which I know can be quite common, so I wasn't jumping up and down yet, still nervous my period just might come, but hey-I was pregnant!
On April 22, I started bleeding a little more, but still very light and not what I would consider a period. I'm not a big "pee-on-a-stick" person usually, but I was just so antsy to figure out if I was pregnant and going to stay pregnant, or if my "period" would still come. Long story short (very long, lots of peeing and trips to the Dollar Store--very accurate tests for $1, seriously), I went through 13 pregnancy tests in less than a week. They were very faint at first, then negative, then very faint again, then started getting darker. This whole time I was still spotting and trying to remind myself that is very common. I started having symptoms (queasy/uneasy feeling and very tired) which I took to be a good sign. Over the weekend (April 26/27) the symptoms continued and the lines on my pregnancy tests got notably darker (a sign the hormone detected by the tests was increasing). My bleeding hadn't picked up at all and even had moments where it seemed to be stopping, so on Monday, April 28 I decided I should call and schedule my prenatal appointments. While on the phone with them, I mentioned the bleeding in the event they wanted me to come in sooner. I ended up speaking with a doctor and she ordered blood work to check my beta HCG and progesterone levels. I am familiar enough with those things that I knew what to expect at this stage. We have an online patient portal, so I actually saw my results before the doctor called me. It didn't look good. My HCG was 38.1 and my progesterone was almost 0, which is what you would expect during your period, definitely not during a pregnancy. The biggest indicator, however, is whether or not HCG is doubling, so I'd need to go back in two days for follow up blood work. It was possible this was very late implantation and that would explain the low numbers, but it didn't look good. I was so torn--I didn't want to be naïve and get my hopes up when I knew the reality of my lab results. However, if this baby did pull through and everything went fine (even if I needed progesterone supplements or something), I didn't want to look back and remember giving up or writing it off.
So we waited...more. The whole week prior was so wishy washy with the spotting and confusing tests, not knowing if this baby would stick or not. Plus I was having symptoms and living as if I were pregnant (I was...still kind of am I guess?)-no drinking, taking all my vitamins, exhausted and sleeping when I could, strong sense of smell... It was all happening.
On Wednesday, April 30, I went in for my follow up blood work. Ideally, my HCG would have doubled (so 80+ would have been a good sign) and I'd have more progesterone. However, when I saw the results, it had gone down to 37 (from 38.1 two days ago). I knew what this meant. There is no coming back from dropping HCG levels. To be honest, if it was going to drop, I wish it would drop faster. I'm still tired (although that is quickly getting better) and would like to just get it over with. Hopefully the drop picks up soon and there is no major drama since it was so early on. If things had gone the other way, I would be 5 weeks pregnant, so this is a very early miscarriage. From what I've gathered, it will be like a heavy period, maybe some cramping that is slightly worse than usual (I don't really get any usually, so we'll see). Not a fan of the waiting. My periods are totally predictable so I don't love this unknown.
Final edit on October 1, 2014: I'm 21 weeks pregnant with a baby that appears perfectly healthy (yay!). On May 6, 2014 my HCH was down to 1.1 (checked again to help rule out ectopic) and I never really bled much. I had the few days of spotting I already mentioned, then another couple days of spotting and that was it. I'm guessing it worked out that way because it happened so early. Full disclosure: I was advised to wait a couple months to try again, but honestly I might not have even known I was pregnant had I not tested when I did. So, we decided not to worry about it. After all this, I was going to wait to test, but on June 2 I had diarrhea (never ever happens to me) and on June 3 I just had to know...positive!
Hugs and comfort to those of you who have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss in any way. It is a sad thing, hard on entire families, that doesn't get much attention.
Some wonderful organizations supporting those who have endured losses:
The Jameson House
IRIS
Faith's Lodge
Molly Bears
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
Silent Grief
Click here to read about this series and see the other posts.
Click here to read about our first experience with pregnancy loss.
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