Causes: Pride Month.

I met Taryn early in college.  Our paths crossed in a couple different ways and we've grown much closer in recent years.  As soon as I decided to implement this series on Causes, I thought of her hoping she would write for me.  As luck would have it, she contacted me about it as soon as she read the Causes intro post.  I'm so glad Taryn approached me about doing this post because I have always thought of her as 100% her own person.  She has always been so genuine and kind, and I believe those are two of the most important traits one can have.  I love her advice, "Open your heart and mind and you might meet some truly amazing people."  (Side note: this is an especially personal topic, so I have been hesitant to approach people about writing on it.  If you have a perspective to share here and are interested in doing so, please contact me as I would love to clutter June with Pride posts.  Or, if you have anything to say about any Cause, I would love to hear more.)

What does June mean to me?  There are so many things that June brings to mind, summer time, beers at The Terrace (Go Badgers!!!), spending time outside new beginnings and sad good byes (graduations). It is also a month that brings PRIDE to life.  Pride in so many things but mostly pride for me!  Who is “me”, I am a daughter, a loving partner, a military girlfriend, and I am gay.  June is National Gay Pride Month.  There are so many terms that go into homosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer and the list goes on and on.  For this blog post I am going to use the word gay to encompass them all, this is a word that I am comfortable using but not all people are.  These are my own beliefs and feelings and I don’t write for all people.

As I have been thinking about what to write these past few days, I’ve been thrown back to the fact that I have had it pretty darn easy.  As I was scrolling through Facebook I was drawn to the fact that Storme DeLaverie died (May 30, 2014) at the age of 93.  She fought for so much change, she sat for the Stonewall riots and was considered by some to be the Rosa Parks of LGBT rights.  To think of what she had seen in her 93 years of life, not only for LGBT rights but for mankind as a whole.  I feel so very blessed to benefit from her fight and struggles, I don’t have to fight as hard as she did for me to be the person that I am today. 

                I don’t have to hide behind a front with the person I love because we are gay.  My partner doesn’t have to worry about her career because of who she loves any longer.  Not too long ago we wouldn’t have been able to be together at Military functions because of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT).  I no longer have to worry what will happen to her Military Career because of who she loves.  I still worry about it, I had many friends that we had to be very careful when we were out and about in college because of DADT, and we had to pretend to be straight because it was guilt by association at times also. This wasn’t something that only they had to worry about we all worried about it together.  There were more than a few tears of joy shed that day as we learned it was repealed.  My friends could be themselves and not have to worry about being discharged for it.  While it didn’t happen overnight I am still amazed at how quickly the military has moved with implementation of the changes.

                I live in a state where marriage equality isn’t a reality.  While there is a lawsuit to change that we also live in a state where if we went to a state that allowed gay marriage to get married that we could be thrown in jail and receive a fine for being married.  While this hasn’t been put on the books for us it is also not off the books either.  What would having the right to marry mean to me? It would be security, acceptance and openness.  I would most likely not have to list my partner on health insurance as my domestic partner and have to pay her whole premium for health insurance while those in an opposite sex marriage can just pay the family rate (yes higher than a single rate but not the whole premium).  Acceptance that we are equal in the eyes of the government, our taxes come out the same way and we spend money the same way, yet in many ways this puts us as a second class citizen.  This would also give me the openness and protection for being me and loving who I love.

                I was one of the very lucky ones, I went to a high school that accepted me when I came out.  I moved onto a college that had an amazing LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) Center where I fit in.  It was by no means perfect, we still had our cases of discrimination and gay bashing but we were lucky in many ways.  We had each other and it was a group that worked together to make it inclusive, accepting and in a lot of ways pretty darn fun.  The University of Minnesota Mankato has come a long way, from the LGBT Center being in a closet in the counseling center (yes you can laugh we all did), to having a wonderful full time staff member who fights for us every day.  I watched and listened to so many stories of people who didn’t have it as easy as me.  Many people who were kicked out of their homes or told to not come back after they did come out.  I watched a lot of people come into themselves in that LGBT Center, I came into myself there also.  We worked as a pretty good team and tried our best to watch out for each other as much as possible.

                I look back and think how lucky I have been, I have friends that accept me and I have a family that accepts me and my partner as one of their own.  Not only does my family accept her but her family accepts me also.  While it wasn’t easy for either of our families to come to terms with it, they did and they love and support us.  I have an amazing extended family but my extended family isn’t just blood, I have an amazing support network of friends who are there for us no matter what.  Family isn’t just blood, it is whomever you pick to be your family. 

                Looking back on things that have happened in the past few years makes me realize how far we have come.  I remember saying to Ali when the Supreme Court of the United States overturned DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act), “Save papers and other items to show Myra, she will never believe the fight we have had!” We have come so far, yet we have so far to go. 

                You may be wondering "how does gay marriage affect me, I’m not gay!"  This affects everyone by being a right of equality to no longer have second class citizens.  To show that we are loving and accepting nation.  You also never know who around you is gay, the stereotypes come from somewhere but we don’t all fit them to a T.  Open your heart and mind and you might meet some truly amazing people! 

Click here to read the other posts in this series.

And We Danced.

I fell in love with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis at this year's Soundset music festival.  I think Trevor was off meeting Prof (we love him, too) and didn't fall for them like I did...at first.

I kept listening to them and they kept coming out with more and more awesome music.  It wasn't long before Trevor was hooked, too.  Not only do they make insanely fun music, they write some downright meaningful stuff, too.  I mean it when I say I was hooked from the get go, but when they came out with Same Love there was no turning back.  It was the first song that brought me to tears at face value (not because it reminded me of a funeral or something else tear-worthy).  I love it so much I'm going to plop it right here into the blog:

My stand on marriage equality is no secret and I'm proud to live in a state that voted no on an unnecessary and downright hurtful marriage amendment this year.

Anyway, back to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.  As soon as we found out they would be at First Ave. this fall we got tickets.  We met up with our friends Adam and Kelly when we got there.  Unfortunately, photos can't capture how awesome the show was, but here they are anyway:

My favorite photo of the night.  Good work, hubs.

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Macklemore came out wearing a poncho.  Dude is stylin.

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One of their totally fun songs is Thrift Shop, so many people came wearing thrift shop attire.  Macklemore spotted a couple stellar fur coats and borrowed them.

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Thrift Shop features Wanz.

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We got to meet him.

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I have no photos of the Same Love performance-I was too busy enjoying it and trying not to cry.  What Macklemore said leading up to the performance and the song itself was probably the most memorable live music moment I've ever witnessed.  He talked about how proud he was of MN for voting no and of WA (his home state) for voting to legalize gay marriage, both very recently in this year's election.  I said multiple times that night I feel like we're part of music history.  I can't wait to look back and tell our children the story of the marriage equality movement.  

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 And we'll get to tell our first born she was there, too.

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This is Macklemore's And We Danced get up. Just one of their super fun songs!

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Aside from the headliners, the rest of the music was pretty darn good, too.  And, again, this is hip hop with a message.  First up was Xperience then Dee-1.  I especially liked Dee-1 because he took a moment to point out that just two years ago he graduated from college and spent time as a middle school math teacher.  He stressed that he hasn't always been making money off the microphone and there's absolutely nothing wrong with working hard at a "real job."  Better yet, his minor was Sociology.  I did go meet him and tell him I thought it was cool he took time to say all that, and that my major was Sociology, too-very nice dude.

-A

Vote No.

Last night Krystle and I went to a meeting/training put together by Minnesotans United for All Families regarding the marriage amendment (“Shall the Minnesota Constitution be amended to provide that only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as marriage in Minnesota?”) that will be on Minnesota's ballot this November.  I went to the meeting because it's important to me.  I went because if this amendment passes, I will personally feel hurt and disappointed.  It's not about politics or religion, it's about love-the love two people (any two people) share with each other and the love I have for my friends and family (straight and GLBTQ alike).

You may be wondering what the connection is between this amendment and my feelings being hurt.  Allow me to explain.  If Minnesota passes this amendment that out right bans gay marriage, it means people I love and people in the state I love will not be allowed to make the same lifelong commitment I have made to Trevor.  Marriage is already defined as a union between a man and a woman in Minnesota, but this amendment would shut the door on even having that conversation.  It would make it near impossible to legalize gay marriage in the future (of course, we'll never stop trying).  It would make it clear in our constitution that gay marriage is illegal.  Furthermore, it would make it clear to the GLBTQ community that Minnesota does not accept them as equal.  Particularly, any GLBTQ youth out there thinking they may lose all support if they come out have one more reason for that fear to be a reality.  I don't want to be a part of a culture that encourages people to hide who they are.  But if we, as a state, reaffirm that we will not allow gay marriage to the extent that we embed it into our own constitution, that's exactly what we're doing.  And yes, that flat out hurts me.  Bottom line, I just can't imagine the feeling if someone were to tell me I can't marry Trevor for no other reason than his sex.  I can't claim to actually know what that feels like, but just the thought makes me sick to my stomach.  That's the kind of hurt to which I'm referring.

If you're reading this with political or religious reasoning ringing in your ears, let me briefly entertain that.  I don't even want to get into that too much because, like I said, it's not political or religious for me, it's personal, but I will say this: Regarding the political party (conservatives) stance, what happened to a hands-off government?  Even if conservatives oppose gay marriage, isn't this amendment an over-extension of government?  This isn't about legalizing something, it's about constitutionally banning something that's already not legal which just doesn't follow conservative principles.  If we can use the constitution for bans now, what else will we use it to ban in the future?  Don't make this decision for generations to come, let them make the decision for themselves.  Gay marriage issue aside, are we sure we want to go down this path?  Remeber, voting no doesn't give gay and lesbian couples the right to marry.  Regarding the religion stance, what about our freedom to practice religion?  Some religions/religious institutions do not support gay marriage, and it is their right not to perform them.  But many are supportive, and they should be able to practice their religion freely, including the right to marry two parishioners.  Moreover, don't all religions teach treat others as you wish to be treated?  I can't think of anyone who would wish to be told they can't marry the person they love.  That is, once we get past the whole separation of Church and State issue in the first place.  If you're thinking what business is it of yours how I vote, my response is it's very much my business because it greatly affects my life and the people in it.

There were so many wonderful comments and insights at last night's meeting, I wish I had written them all down.  One woman spoke about her own family (her female partner of over 10 years and their daughter).  She shared that her daughter, who has been hearing talk of this amendment everywhere, asked them what will happen to her if this passes? Where will she have to go?  This amendment would send a message that a gay family is not a family and that just doesn't sit well with me.  Another woman spoke about the idea of being recognized as a spouse.  Again, I can't imagine someone telling me I couldn't be by Trevor's side at the hospital because I'm not his spouse...because I'm not allowed to be his spouse.  But that happens to so many people.  It filled my heart to see a room full of friends, colleagues, church members, doctors and former teachers of mine-people of all ages from teenagers,  who aren't even old enough to vote but still want to do their part, to people who had to have been 80+ years old, all with different reasons for being there.  I realize not everyone in Minnesota will vote no, and, honestly, I can live with that.  What I can't live with is people not taking the time to think about what this would mean for me, for themselves and their own loved ones, and for the state of Minnesota.  This affects us all whether we're GLBTQ or not, so please, vote no in November.

-A